Run Forest Run

That is how I feel tonight. Like a caged animal. Like I could just get up & run & never look back. I want change. I crave change. Yet change scares me. Makes me feel like I am erasing him with the new change. I feel as if my heart will explode from the pain. I want to scream HELP ME! But there is no one to hear me. I want someone, anyone to call me so they can just listen as I cry & ask WHY. But no one does & I am too prideful to reach out. Don't want to be a burden. Don't want to bother people. But people need to know I am not better. I am still in so much turmoil. I feel as if the whole world is crashing down. I just want him home. I HATE my life. Absolutely HATE it! When is it going to get better? When will I feel like I have direction? I am inpatient. I want it now. But I know I must do the work. Feel the pain. I just don't know where to turn, what to think, what to do. I just want my old life back. NOW.