School starting

Boy where does the time go? How did we get here already? Made it through a vacation without him. Probably helped that I had my parents with us. My son & daughter-in-law with us. And my 5 wonderful grand children with us. It was a great time. Ted never cared too much for going away & doing nothing. He felt if he were going to do nothing he would rather do nothing at home. But I was missing him the day we got to the house we were renting for a week. It was evening and as I was moving beds together for the kids, I was feeling my loss. And then as I moved the bed again, there on the floor was a penny. I knew he was with me. I have been finding pennies for several months now. There was a period of time from when we first met until we actually started dating. 6 years actually. I used to pick up pennies & wish on them. He was always my wish. After we started dating I no longer picked up pennies. I find them now. Not all the time. And not in very obvious places. The first one I found was in front of our garage after all the snow melted. I had shoveled the spot many times thru out the winter right down to the cement. And no one was allowed to be near the garage at the time (fellow widows understand this). I keep all the pennies I find & write down where I found them. They bring me comfort. So I felt like he was right there with me on that vacation. So school is right around the corner & my little boy is actually excited to go for the first time ever. It makes me glad to see him excited.

8 months

It didn't even occur to me that it was 8 months today until I was at the bank getting a certified check to pay the balance on the funeral and I wrote the date wrong on the withdraw slip. I wrote Aug. 10, 2010. I stopped & thought for a second "the 10th is significant" Then it hit me. 8 months exactly. Is this progress that I forgot for a moment? I have not had any real lows in about a week. I feel kind of numb sometimes. There is just so much to do and so many decisions to be made lately I don't have time to let myself cry. I worry I am not facing it though. I don't want to wake up next year and realize I have done no real grief work. I still think about him. I still miss him. I still cry everyday but its brief. 8 months ago it was cold outside. I was getting ready to come home from babysitting the grandkids. Him & Michael were waiting for me at home with Subway. The house was decorated for Christmas. Its hard to put myself back to that time I think because it is a whole different season. I don't know. I just know my life and my families life changed in a matter of seconds. Ted I miss you and love you so much.