Beautiful

Someone at church tonight sang this beautiful song called By Your Side. It made me cry as I remembered how I "fell in the dead of night" just last night. It was My Lord & Saviour that got me through it.
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Who's Voice Is That?

Had a very bad night last night. The kind where I am crying so hard I get scared because I don't even recognize my own voice. The sobs and screams sound like they belong to another person. It started because I want my 3 chickens back. I was told I couldn't have them because a neighbor complained & they are not allowed in my area. I intend to fight it but all I could picture was my poor 3 chickens who have only known our safe, large coop since they were babies. Locked up in a strange, small place. It feels so empty without them. I feel like I have suffered enough loss. The loss of my husband, the loss of friends, the loss of normalcy. Everything is so busy it feels as if there is not enough time. I still have moments of " Where is he? Is he really dead? How can he be dead?" Last night was bad. Hitting the pillow, feeling like I could hurt myself. Trying to be quiet so I don't wake my precious little boy. Needing to talk to someone. An idea did occur to me. There needs to be a thing like Widow Buddies. Where you get matched up with another widow of similar age, etc. except they will be in a totally different time zone. So you can call them at 1am & not worry about waking them up. As I sat crying I had absolutely no one to call. Everyone was sleeping & I can not bring myself to call & wake someone up. Even though I felt as if my heart was going to stop because my chest hurt so darn bad. So that just makes me even more lonely. If only he were here. So I did what I always do. Began to pray. Begging God to please stop my pain. Let me get my 3 chickens back. Give me the wisdom to help my little boy as he grieves. Just please hold me. Amen.