It's Ready

After waiting six long months. After calling several times a week. Only to hear "It's still pending". His autopsy is finished. I wasn't expecting it to be. It took me by surprise and gave me a sick feeling in my stomach when he said "If you want a copy you need to...". I have just been feeling sick and panicky ever since. Why? I don't know. I still have such a hard time most days wrapping my brain around the fact that he is gone. When I start to think of the events of that night and how he looked sitting in the chair. How he looked laying on the floor as the EMT's cut his shirt open, I allow my mind to turn from it. Which I know is not healthy. I am just so tired of missing him. Of hurting for him. I just want to lay down and be with him. But I don't. Michael needs me. The grand kids need me. Jason & Tiffany need me. So I keep going. The next thing I am waiting for is his headstone to be placed. That will be the last thing. Why did this have to happen? I hang on to Isaiah 41:10.