Adapting

I think the word adapt fits the best for me and what is going on in my life. I hate the phrases "moving on" "going forward" "new life", etc. I want my life to stay the same. As it was when he was here. But I realize it can't. So I feel like I am adapting. I'm not changing. I'm not moving forward. I'm not creating a new life. I am making things in my life fit together by modification. 6 months have passed and I still hate the way things are. I still cry and try to wish him home. I still ache inside so bad it feels like my heart will explode. I still sleep with his not washed pajama shorts under my pillow. Oh how I miss him!