Where/Who am I?

I just can't take much more. The screaming and crying are beginning to make my throat burn. I wasn't able to go to the cemetary today as I do everyday M-F. The stupid door latch on the car wouldn't work so I had to drive all the way home from the school holding the door closed. I tried fixing it like I did before but it would not work. I came in the house & fell on the floor screaming. Using cuss words I have not used or said in 10 years. I just hate who I am. I hate where I am. Where exactly am I? I don't know where to turn. Who to call. So many things. I am neglecting everything. I moved the kitchen table around thinking it might help if it was different. All it did was let a rush of memories come flooding in of all the dinners we had all 3 together when the table was like that. We were predictable. We all had our own place we sat at. Predictable was good. I knew what he wanted before he even said anything. I knew when he called me by a certain name what kind of mood he was in. I miss him so bad. I just keep repeating the same thing over & over. I WANT HIM TO COME HOME!