I am lost

I just feel so lost. Like the world is so huge. I still see people going about their lives like all is well and I just wish mine was the way it used to be. I find myself wishing I could go back to Feb. 13, 1998 when he knocked on my door. Or even Dec. 10, 2010. I would have tried something. Anything. I saw a man today that looked so much like him. I wanted so very badly to just go up to him and ask him to give me a hug. I miss my husband so much. I just can't believe sometimes this is happening. I truly did know I was going to marry him the first time I met him. I know there are a lot of people who don't believe in that stuff. But I knew it. It was a gut feeling I had. It was in May 1991. I needed tires for my car. He worked at a junkyard & helped me find tires. He was so handsome. I just knew he was the one for me. I feel so tired all the time. And my body feels heavy. As if I have weights on. Why? Why? Why? I need him.