How do I keep going?

I know I have to but I just don't know that I can. I think I am on autopilot. I do because I have to. I can't stand the fact that I can't touch you everyday. Or smell you. Or feel you. Or hear you. It just isn't fair. I just keep asking God to just bring you home. Why? I was supposed to be married to you forever, not just 11 years. I was supposed to be taking care of you right now. I miss you so much. I screamed & hit a pillow on the floor today.My hear just hurts so bad. I just want you home. I love you Ted Hightower