Still surreal

So I'm driving in my car. Talking with my son about video games and laughing. I suddenly have a thought flash in my head that this was wrong. How can it be possible to laugh and talk about normal every day stuff when Ted has died? It just felt so strange and bad. Sometimes I just feel like I slip backwards to the first few months. We went & saw "their" movie, Iron Man 3. When the song would come on the radio, Ted would turn it up loud & they would jam out, just the two of them. Of course I was excluded from seeing the first two movies, it was a guy movie, I was told. So it felt kind of strange to take him to see it. But I am glad I did. Sitting there in the theater, in a spot they would have sat in, half way through the movie, I swear I suddenly smelled his cologne. For a few brief seconds I inhaled & could smell him. Then it was gone. So naturally I cried silent tears on the way home. Thinking the What If's. What if he wasn't dead. I would be at home, enjoying the peace and quiet. They would stop at McDonald's and pick up dinner. He might call and ask me what I wanted. Or he might just surprise me. They would come in, excited, talking about how good the movie was. Ted always picked up on one phrase from the movies he would see and then for months afterwards, I would listen to them both use "the phrase", for every situation. I'm glad I can at least now, smile at those memories instead of break down in sobs. But it still hurts.