47

Had he lived he would have turned 47 years old today. Today is his birthday. So much drama and stress in my life right now I could barely think straight today. I felt distant. We did release some balloons and have cupcakes with the family. I like to hear the kids as they watch the balloons climb higher and higher in the sky and yell "Happy Birthday"! Was finally able to go to his grave just before dark and as I sat on the bench I wanted to cry but just felt empty. Drained. I miss making a cake for him. Buying his present. Making a fuss over him. Making him feel special. I just miss him. I wish I could have put myself in the balloon and floated off high in the sky to find him. I like to think he gets our balloons with all of our messages of love. I looked at the group of people who stood in the field watching until the balloons were a tiny speck. Just a handful of us but what more could you ask for after you're gone? I hope I have at least a few people remembering me. He was a good man. A kind man. A loved man. Happy Birthday Ted! I love you!