Big Black Emptiness

I do not understand what is wrong. I am 7 & 1/2 months out & I thought I was supposed to be getting better. Better at the grief. Better at being a mom. Better at everything. Instead I feel like I am falling into a big black hole of emptiness. I cry all the time. I find no joy in anything. My little boy said to me the other day " All you ever say is you don't feel good". I am so terrified of getting stuck in my grief. I don't want to be a family of 2. I want to be a family of 3! I want to be held. I want to be loved by someone that loves me so much they overlook all my faults. I want to be looked at the way he looked at me. I want to see the beauty in the world around me again. I want this all consuming grief to just go away. It hurts day & night. Every second. I look at his picture & I cry. I think about him & cry. I think about what we had & I cry. I want to be a wife. I want to give my love to my husband. I feel so alone. So crappy. I just want things to be the same.