I never know when the hardest grief will hit me. As the other day on my way to work, an ambulance raced passed me. Then a van passed me, trying to keep up with the ambulance. I immediately said a prayer. Then images of a snowy night in December filled my mind. In my dad's truck. Trying to keep up with the ambulance that had my husbands lifeless body inside. I assume they were still doing cpr. I began crying there on my way to work. Thankfully I was given a message right away by our song coming on the radio that helped me calm down. Then there are other times like last night. As the outside world is dark and quiet. Most are sleeping. I sit on the floor in my living room rocking back and forth. Trying to scream quietly so I don't wake my son. Asking the same question, "Why?" Begging for the same thing "Let him come home".
I got scared last night thinking I might have a heart attack. Pain gripped my chest and all I could think was "This is what dying of a broken heart would feel like". I am so sad and so empty. I have a wonderful family, with grand children here all the time. I have a delightful son. But that emptiness remains. And continues to hurt.
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