Is This Real?

I am blessed enough to have a job in a rural town. So when I need to go to the post office I lock the door & walk down the street to get the company mail. As I was walking down there today I had the old suffocating feeling start coming in. And my mind began to try and comprehend the thought "How am I able to be walking down this sidewalk and he is gone. Not here. He is not at the store. He is not at work. He is not even in another state or country. He isn't here. Completely gone." This has happened to me many many other times and I think my brain only allows me to try and comprehend it for a while and then it moves on because I just still can't grasp this fact. I know he is gone but to really think about it is so very hard. Over 7 months later and I still have a hard time believing it is real. Will this ever sink in?