One Year

It is so very hard to believe he has been gone for one whole year. I still feel like he could walk in the door at any moment. His coat & boots are right where he left them. His wallet & change still sit on his dresser. I pull out his clothes once in awhile to smell or just breathe in the faint traces of him. Yesterday was harder than today because it was a Friday. He died on a Friday. So my son & I made cupcakes & took to our local fire department. It was very healing for me because I think I have held a grudge against the paramedics/firemen that came that night. Feeling as if they didn't get there fast enough. I felt a sense of renewing wash over me as I hugged the 2 firemen that were on duty last night. They weren't the same ones but it didn't matter. They said they would make sure those 2 firemen got the card & tell them we came by. They let my son climb in the trucks & ambulance & they let me talk. It was good. I miss him so very much. So tonight we will mark this date with a celebration of his life. I hope many people will be here to remember him with us. I can't help but think of tomorrow also. Now that my year of firsts are over, what next? I see a long tiring road ahead of me. I miss you & love you my husband Ted.