Burning eyes

Today has been bad. I have been crying so much today my eyes are starting to burn. I sometimes feel like I am going to go crazy as I am crying and screaming. I know I will not understand why my husband had to die while I am on this earth and I may never know. But it doesn't stop me from screaming & begging God to just tell me why? I miss so much I can't stand it. I am trying to continue on through the grief as I am supposed to do but I feel those panic/anxiety attacks just below the surface. Waiting to burst forth. I am afraid if I get them again it will be worse than it was. What I wouldn't give just to see his face. To have him hug me. Oh how I miss him. 4 months and 2 days into this nightmare. I really don't see any light at this point. I just want him home.